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Elf script is here for all you fans of the Will Ferrell movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Elf. I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.
Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free scripts!
Elf Script
Oh, hello.
You're, uh, you're probably here
About the, Uh, the story.
Elves love to tell stories.
I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves.
There's, uh, probably a lot of things
You.. you didn't know about elves.
Another.. another interesting Uh, elf ism
Uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf.
The first is making shoes at night
While, you know, while the old..
The old cobbler sleeps.
Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog.
You can bake cookies
In a tree. Hey!
As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous Having an oven
In an oak tree during the dry season.
[Screaming] I wanna make shoes!
But the third job.. uh, some call It, uh,
'The show,' or.. or 'the big dance,'
It's the profession that every elf Aspires to,
And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.
Only two weeks left till Christmas!
I-It's a job only an elf can do.
Our.. our nimble fingers,
Natural cheer and active minds
Are perfect for toy-building.
They.. they tried using gnomes And trolls,
But the gnomes drank too much..
..and the trolls weren't toilet trained.
No human being has ever set.. set foot in Santa's workshop.
Uh, that is until about 30 years ago,
And, as you may have guessed,
That's where our story begins.
Wow!
Whoa!
Ooh!
Wow!
Wow!
[Humming]
Ow! Ow!
Whoa!
Are you sleepy?
Here we are.
We're just going to make you feel so comfortable.
Here we are.
There you are.
It's time to go to sleep.
Maybe by next Christmas you'll Have a home.
Merry Christmas, my angel.
[Creaking]
[Santa:] Mmm..
[Bars clang]
[Cheering music playing]
All right, all right.
We've had another very successful year.
[Cheering]
So, after all that hard work,
It's time to start preparations
For next Christmas!
[Cheering]
What in the name of Sam hill Is that?
[Elves:] Wow..
[Male elf:] A baby..
[Elf:] 'little buddy diapers.'
His name is buddy. He must've..
Snuck into your sack at the orphanage.
What do we do?
[Papa Elf:] So, Santa had a Decision to make,
And fortunately, when it Comes to babies,
Santa's a.. a pushover.
So, buddy stayed with, uh An older elf
Who had always wanted a child?
But had been so committed to Building toys, he..
He, well, had forgotten to Settle down.
Santa.
Yes, yes, I.. I raised buddy.
I was his adopted father.
Though buddy grew twice as fast,
He.. he wasn't any different from the other children.
Chuckles not too fast, buddy.
I mean, not.. not really.
Before we learn how to build The latest
In extreme graphic chipset Processors,
Let's recite the 'Code of the elves,'
Shall we?
Number one.
'Treat every day like Christmas.'
Number two.
'There's room for everyone on the Nice list.'
Number three.
'The best way to spread Christmas Cheer
Is singing loud for all to hear.'
And one day, when buddy was old enough,
I made him my own personal apprentice.
I've never been in this room before.
Well, I think it's time you start
Your tinker training.
[Gasps] Santa's sleigh.
You're gonna help me make it fly.
I thought the magical reindeer made The sleighs fly.
And where do the reindeer get their magic from?
Christmas spirit. Everybody knows that.
Well, silly as it sounds,
A lot of people down south
Don't believe in Santa Claus.
What?!
Well, who do they think puts all? their toys under the tree?
Well, there's a rumor floating around
That, uh, that the parents do it.
That's.. that's ridiculous.
I mean, parents couldn't do that all in one night.
What about Santa's cookies?
I suppose parents eat them, too?
Yeah, I, uh, I.. I know,
Uh, and every earless and less People
Believe in Santa Claus.
I mean, we have a real energy crisis on our hands.
Oh.
I mean, just see how low the, uh Claus meter is.
That's shocking.
That's why I came up
With this little beauty in the '60s.
[Engine hums to life]
WH-what is it?
It's a cringle 3000..
A 500-reindeer power jet turbine engine.
Without it, the sleigh couldn't
Get more than, uh, a few feet off the ground.
Well, it looks like we got
A short in the thermo coupler.
You wanna give mea hand with that?
You want me to help?
As much as, uh, buddy was accepted
By his family and friends,
There were a few drawbacks
To being, uh, a human in, uh an elf's world.
[Music plays chattering]
Hey, Ming Ming.
Um..
I'm gonna be a little bit short on today's quota.
It's all right, buddy.
Just how many etch-a-sketches
Did you get finished?
Come on, buddy. How many?
I made, uh.. 85.
Eighty-five?
That puts you..
915 off the pace.
[Female elf:] Ooh.. that's bad.
Why don't you just say it?
I'm the worst toy maker in the world.
I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
[Gasps]
No, buddy, you're not cotton- headed ninny-muggins.
We all just have different talents That's all.
Seems like everyone else
Have the same talents except for me.
You.. you have, you have lots of Talents, uh..
Special talents in fact, like Um, uh..
Special talents?
You changed the batteries in the smoke detector.
You sure did.. aaa's.
And in six months, you'll have to check 'em again..
Won't he?
And you're the only baritone in the elf choir.
You bring us down whole octave.
In a good way.
See, buddy?
You're not a cotton-headed ninny- muggings.
You're just.. special.
And so, buddy was sent where the.. The special elves work.
[Devilish laughter] Aah!
[Pop goes the weasel playing]
[Laughter] Ah!
[Sighs]
[Pop goes the weasel playing]
[Laughter]
Hey, foom foom..
I hate to do this to you, but you Think you could
Help me pick up the slack on those etch-a-sketches?
No problem. I appreciate it.
Buddy is killing me.
I already got lum lum and choochoo pulling' doubles.
That was quick thinking yesterday
With that ¡°special talents¡± thing.
Ming Ming: I feel bad for the guy.
I just hope he doesn't get wise.
Well, if he hasn't figured out He's a human by now,
I don't think he ever will.
[Foom foom:] If he hasn't figured Out he's a human
By now, I don't think he ever will.
I think they're too small.
[Ming Ming:] You're just.. special.
[Snores]
[Buddy sings deeply]
[Sneakers screech]
[Devilish laughter]
You don't look so good, buddy.
Are you okay?
I'll be okay, I just need a glass of water.
Aah!
Buddy..
Unh! Aah!
[Knock on door]
Buddy, are you okay?
I'm sorry, papa.
I just need some alone time.
Buddy, I.. I think we.. we have to talk.
Buddy, uh, I think there's something
I.. I probably should tell you.
You probably should have found out a long..
A long time ago.
I then proceeded to tell buddy of how his father
Had fallen in love when he was very young
With a beautiful girl named Susan wells,
And how buddy was born
And put up for adoption by his mother,
And how she had later passed away.
I.. I told him his father
Had never even known that Buddy was born,
And most importantly,
I told him where his father was..
Uh, in a magical land called new York City.
My dad works there?
Empire state building.
Hey, buddy, wanna pick some snow berries?
Not now, arctic puffin.
Hello, buddy. Oh.. hi, Leon.
Why the long face, partner?
It seems I'm.. I'm not an elf.
'Course you're not. You're 6'3'
And had a beard since you were 15.
Papa says my real father
Lives in a magical place far away.
I don't know what to do.
At least you have a daddy.
I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold.
But the thing is, I've never even left the North Pole.
Buddy, I've been around the world Many times
When I was a young cumulus nimbus cloud.
It's a wonderful place, filled with Wondrous creatures..
Except dogs.
Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow.
Oh, I know that.
All I'm say in' is, this might be The golden opportunity
To find out whom you really are.
So, I hear you're going
On a little journey to the big city.
Yup. Ahh.
I'm kind a nervous.
[Chuckles]
Leon says New York is pretty different.
Oh, don't pay attention to Leon.
He's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet.
I've been to New York thousands of times.
Really? Mm-hmm.
What's it like?
Well, there are some things you should know.
First off, you see gum on The street,
Leave it there. It's not free candy.
Oh. Second,
There are, like, 30 ray's pizzas.
They all claim to be the Original,
But the real one' son 11th.
And if you see a sign that Says 'peep show,'
That doesn't mean that They're letting you
Look at presents before Christmas.
Can't wait to see my dad..
We're gonna go ices skating and.. And eat sugar plums.
Yeah, that's the other thing
I wanted to talk to you about.
You know, buddy.. [sighs]
Your father..
Well.. he's on the naughty list.
No!!!
You're taking the books back?
[Chuckles]
See, I.. I see what you're trying to do here.
Y-You're trying to make me feel bad,
When, in actuality, you're the one
That missed the payments.
But the children love the books.
I know that, uh..
You know, I'm the one that ran The focus groups,
But I like hearing that.
Listen, some people, they just Lose sight
Of what's important in life.
That doesn't mean they can't find their way again, huh?
Maybe all they need
Is just a little Christmas spirit.
[Cheering]
Well, uh, I.. I'm good at that.
I know you are.
And I'll..
I'll always, uh,
I'll always be here for you.
Now, uh..
Go.. uh, get.
Bye, guys.
Bye, buddy. Bye, buddy. Take care.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, buddy.
[Sobbing]
There, there.
Huh?
Oh! Ohh!
Bye, buddy. Hope you find your dad.
Thanks, Mr. Narwhal.
Bye.
Hey! What's your name?
My name's buddy.
Ohh!
Does someone need a hug?
[Raccoon chirping]
aah, aah! That's not cool!
[Screech]
I just wanted a hug!
[Pennies from heaven playing]
Hi.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You did it! Congratulations!
'World's best cup of coffee. 'Great job, everybody.
It's great to meet you.
Hi.
[Horns honking]
Santa, san.. uh, nope.
Not Santa.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[Screaming]
Thank you. Hey, you know what? No.
No, all right? Thank you.
Get outta here, get outta here.
[Elevator chimes]
[Elevator chimes]
Hello. Hi.
Ooh..
[Gasps] Beautiful.
Looks like a Christmas tree.
A reprint?
You know how much that's gonna cost?
Two whole pages are missing.
The story doesn't make any sense.
What, you think some kid's gonna notice two pages?
I mean, they.. all they do is look at pictures.
[Elevator chimes gasps]
Sorry I can't ride with you the Rest of the way up,
But this is where my dad works. Well, have a good..
Oh, I forgot to give you a hug!
Oh, I don't know, Connie, I've never
Declared kittens before.
How many?
[Gasps] Eight?
Uh, I don't know if I'm gonna Have time.
Oh, all right, just bring 'em by The camper this week,
And I'll see what I can do. I'm Not gonna charge you.
Just bring 'em by, and I'll see What I can do.
I have to go. Excuse me.
I'm here to see a Walter hobs.
I'm buddy the elf. Laughs
You look hilarious! Who sent you?
Papa elf. Papa elf?
Mm-hmm. From the North Pole.
From the North Pole? Yes.
So, you really think we should Ship 'em?
No, I think we should take a $30,000 bath
So some kid can understand What happened?
To a puppy and a frigging pigeon
ship 'em. [Phone rings]
Yeah.
Mr. Hobbs? It's me on the intercom.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I think some one sent you a Christmas-gram.
Dad!
[Chuckles]
All right, uh, let's get it Over with.
I walked all day and night to Find you.
Uh, you look like you came from the North Pole.
[Chuckle]
That's exactly where I came from.
Santa must've called you!
Oh, yeah, sure, he, uh..
Just got off the cell phone with me.
You did?!
So, go on. Go on with what?
Well, are.. are you gonna sing a Song or something,
Or can I just go back to work?
A song? Uh..
Yeah. Anything for you, dad, uh..
I.. I'm, I'm here with my dad
And we never met
And he wants me to sing Him a song
And, um, I was adopted
But you didn't know I was born
So, I'm here now, I found you, Daddy
And, guess what? I love you
I love you I love you!
Wow, that was weird.
You know, usually you guys just Uh, you know,
Put my name into jingle bells or something.
It's me, your son.
Susan wells had me, and.. And she Didn't tell you,
And, and, and, but now I'm here..
It's me buddy.
Susan wells.
Uh, you said Susan wells? Yes.
Who sent this Christmas-gram?
What's a Christmas-gram? I want one.
[Whispering I think we should call security.]
[Good idea.]
[I like to whisper, too.]
It's okay, Walter's my father.
Well, your dad's busy right now.
Okay, I'll come back later.
Yeah, you know, you're not gonna
Come back for awhile, okay?
You're gonna go back to Santa land.
Okay.
Yeah, why don't you go back? to gimbals'?
[Sleigh ride playing]
Sorry! Sorry.
Passion fruit spray?
Fruit spray? Sure.
[Crying]
Sorry.
Sorry.
Do you wanna go?
[Toilet flushes]
Hey! Have you seen these? toilets?
They're gl-normous!
'For that special someone.'
Past!
Grunts
Hey, come.. come here!
Me? Yes.
What are you doing down here?
You're not supposed to be Down here!
You can shop on your break,
You don't.. come on, get upstairs!
Okay, I didn't know. Well You should know!
Are you mad at me? No.
Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure.
Just do your job.
Okay, fair enough.
[Gasps] wow!
What's this?
This is the North Pole.
No, it's not. Yes, it is.
No, it's not. Yes, it is.
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.
No, it's not. Where's the snow?
Why you smiling like that?
I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite.
Make work your favorite, that's You're favorite, okay?
Okay. Work is your new favorite.
Fine.
It's time for the announcement.
Okay.
Okay, people, tomorrow morning 10 a.m.,
Santa's coming' to town!
Santa!!!
Oh, my god!!!
Santa here?! I know him.
I know him.
He'll be hereto take pictures
With all the children.
Yeah!
Just keep your receipts. 10 a.m. Tomorrow.
10 a.m. Tomorrow.
Santa's coming to town.
Yes. Can you sign this for me?
Ohh! Hi.
[Whispers Santa's coming.]
Are you enjoying the view?
You are very good at decorating that tree.
Why are you messing with me?
Did krumpet put you up to this?
I'm not messing with you.
It's just nice to meet Another human
Who shares my affinity for? elf culture.
I'm just trying to get through the holidays.
Get through?
Christmas is the greatest Day in the whole wide world!
Please stop talking to me.
Uh-oh. Sounds like someone
Needs to sing a Christmas Carol.
Go away.
The best way to Spread Christmas cheer
Is singing loud for all to hear.
Thanks, but I don't sing.
Oh, it's easy, it's just like Talking..
Except louder and longer
And you move your voice up And down.
I can sing, but I just choose not to sing.
Especially in front of other people.
Well, if you sing alone, You can sing
In front of other people. There's no difference.
Actually, there's a big difference.
No, there.. no, there isn't.
Wait.
I'm singing
I'm in a store, and I'm singing
I'm in a store, and I'm singing
Hey! There's no singing in the North Pole.
Yes, there is.
No, there's not.
We sing all the time. No, there's not.
Especially when we make toys.
See?
[Manager over p. A:] Attention, all gimbel's shoppers,
Please make your final purchases.
We'll be closing in ten minutes.
Well, it's time for me to go home.
But.. but Santa's coming, There's so much to do.
Yeah, um.. laughs
I'll see you tomorrow..
Buddy. Jovie.
Hi. Hi.
Jovie.
[Nutcracker suite playing]
Hey, uh.. I'm gonna eat in the bedroom, okay?
I, uh, I got
A bunch of stuff to go over.
Are you sure? I'm.. I'm just way Behind
On a bunch of stuff.
Okay.
Can I eat in my room?
No. Why not?
Dad's eating in his room.
[Imitating father] I got a bunch Of homework to go over,
And I'm way behind on a bunch of stuff.
You're eating here.
[Jovie:] I really can't stay
I've got to go 'way
This evening has been
So very nice
My mother will start to worry
And father will be pacing' The floor
So, really, I'd better scurry
Well, may be just a half a drink More
The neighbors might think Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how to break the Spell
I'll take your hat, your hair Looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir
Mind if I move in closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
What's the sense of hurting? my pride?
I really can't stay
Ah, but it's cold outside baby, it's cold outside!
[Water turns off]
Get out! Don't look at me!
Get out!
[Sleigh ride playing]
Just hear those sleigh bells Jingling
Ring-ting-tingling, too
Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together With you
Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling yoo-hoo
[Muffled] Dad?
Come on, its lovely weather dad.
Dad, hi! It's me! For a sleigh Ride together with you
[Muffled] Buddy. Dad! Dad! Dad!
Giddy-yap, giddy-yap, giddy-yap
Let's go, let's look at the show
We're riding in a wonderland Of snow
Hey! It's okay,
I just have a gift for my dad.
Okay, I'll take this.
Okay. Well, just make sure he knows
It's from me buddy, his son, okay?
Okay. And that I love him so much,
And that I think he's the greatest dad in the world.
You guys are so strong.
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[Kids:] Wow! My cheeks are nice And rosy
[Girl:] This is neat. And comfy Cozy are we
We're snuggled up together
Like two birds of a feather Would be
Let's take that road before us
And sing a chorus or two
Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together With you
Hey, you. Me?
Come here. I wanna talk to you.
What do you wanna talk to? Me about?
How come you were
In the women's locker room these morning?
I heard you singing.
You sure it had nothing to Do with the fact
That I was naked in the shower?
I didn't know you were naked.
Why were you here so early?
They shut my water off.
What were you doing here so early?
Building this.
You built this? Mm-hmm.
They're kind a pissed about this.
Really?
Hey, guys.
Have you seen the place? Mm-hmm.
It's pretty good. It's a little too good.
Corporate must have sent in a professional.
I don't know why some body's Gunning' for my job,
But, look.. let's Remain team, okay?
'Cause if I go, we all go.
If you get wind of anything,
Call me on my radio, Channel three.
Code word is 'Santa's got A brand new bag,'
Okay?
Six-inch ribbon curls, honey.
That's impossible. Six.. inches.
[Sighs]
By the way.. I think you have
The most beautiful singing voice
In the whole wide world.
Santa..
Hey, hey! Ho ho ho!
[Cheering]
Yeah!
Santa, it's me buddy!
It's me! Hey, buddy, How you doing?
It's me!
Are you ready to see Santa?
Who the heck are you?
What are you talking about? I'm Santa Claus.
No, you're not.
Uh, WH-why, of course I am!
Ho ho ho ho ho!
Well, if you're Santa..
What song did I sing for you on? Your birthday this year?
Uh, happy birthday of course!
Ho ho ho ho ho!
Uh, so, how old are you, son?
Four.
You're a big boy, what's your name?
Paul. And, uh, what can I get you for Christmas?
Paul.. don't tell him what You want.
He's a liar. Let the kid talk.
You disgust me. How can you live? With yourself?
Just cool it, zippy. Woman: Smile.
You sit on a throne of lies.
Look, I'm not kidding'. You're a fake.
I'm a fake? Yes.
How'd you like to be dead, huh?
Fake. No, he's kidding.
You stink.
I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right?
You smell like beef and cheese.
You don't smell like Santa.
Okay.
[Gasps kids screaming]
He's an imposter! He's not Santa!
He's a fake! He's a fake! Come here. Come here!
I saw!
He's a fake!
Ha ha! Where you going now? Where you going..?
[Cheering]
[Manager:] Ohh! Ohh!
No!
[Grunting]
He's not Santa Claus!
He's not Santa!
'To someone special.'
What's that? Intercom.
All right.
[Phone rings]
Yeah? Mr. Hobbs, the police are On line one.
Police. Hello?
[Chatter]
Dad!
I knew that you'd come, I love you for coming.
Officer tom, this is my dad.
This is Walter.. he came.
He bailed me out.
They gave me one phone call.
They gave me one phone call,
And I said,' I know who I'm gonna call..
Walter Hobbs.'
And sure enough, you showed up.
You did, they said you weren't goanna show up.
They told me so many times.. shh shh shh shh shh.
Just who the heck are you, And what is your problem?
I-I'm buddy, I'm your son.
Wait, um..
Tell me, tell me, tell me, uh..
Where'd you get this picture?
Papa elf gave it to me.
Listen.. is this some kind a game?
What do you want, some money?
No! I just wanted to meet you,
And I thought you might Anna Meet me.
Who wouldn't Anna meet you?
I thought maybe we could make Gingerbread houses,
And eat cookie dough, and go Ice skating, and..
And maybe even hold hands.
Uh-huh.
Come with me. Okay.
Okay. What have we got here?
Buddy, don't eat those.
[Gasps]
Ohh!
We got to really hurry up, Walter,
'cause I'm double booked the rest of the afternoon.
Am I sick?
Yeah, but that's not why we're Here.
We're hereto do a test, come on.
What kind test? Just a test to Find out
If you're my son or not. Why am I sitting on paper?
Because it's sanitary for the other patients.
Now, sit still so I can do the finger prick.
[Gasps] Finger prick!
Ohh! It's cold.
Yeah, just pleases it still, Please?
Okay, can I listen to your necklace?
No, you can't. Will you Just sit still..
Why is there a skeleton? over there?
I don't know, Walter, Could you please..?
If I squint it looks like a pirate flag.
Could you please have him? Sit still?
Does he have a name? No, He hasn't got a name.
I'm sorry, Ben, I am sorry.
I have a lot of patients waiting.
Would you please it still? Please.
He got mad at me. Yes, he did. He did.
The sooner you sit still, The sooner we can
Get this mess over with.
Okay. Then can we eat sugar plums?
You betch a.. we'll eat sugar Plums,
Have gingerbread houses, And we'll even paint eggs.
Well, paint eggs, that's Easter.
Ow!!! Ohh..
My finger has a heartbeat.
It won't hurt so much after a little.
What's your name?
Buddy.
I'm Carolyn.
Hi.
What do you want for Christmas?
A Suzy-talks-a-lot.
I'll put in a good word with the big man.
Thanks. Your costume is pretty.
Oh, it's not a costume. I'm an elf.
Well, technically, I'm a human,
But I was raised by elves.
Oh, I'm a human raised by humans.
Hmm. Cool.
[Door opens] So?
It's a boy.. buddy's your son.
That's very impossible.
You.. you saw that guy out there.
He's.. he's certifiably insane.
He's probably just reverting
To a state of childlike dependency.
An elf?
What he needs is to be nurtured.
Oh, I see.
So, um, uh..
You'd like me to breastfeed him?
Walter, just bring him home.
Introduce him to Emily and Michael,
And once.. once he comes to Terms with reality,
He should drop the whole elf Thing and move on with his life.
I mean, that's what I would do if I was you.
Oh, my god! Walter, this is..
This is wonderful,
You.. you have another son.
Wonderful. Oh, gosh, I..
I guess I never really thought of it that way.
This is incredible, I..
You know, it's a little complicated,
But it's nothing that we can't handle.
Honey? What?
He thinks he's an elf.
I'm sorry, what?
He think she's a Christmas elf.
Oh, come on, Walter,
I'm sure he doesn't actually think he's an elf.
And then, I traveled through the seven levels
Of the candy cane forest,
Past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops,
And then, I walked through the Lincoln tunnel.
Ahh.
So, where were you for the last 30 years?
The north pole.
Can you pass the maple syrup? Please?
I.. I didn't put.. it's spaghetti.
Oh, you know what? I think I have some.
Yes.
You like sugar, huh?
Is there sugar in syrup?
Yes.
Then yes.
We elves try to stick to the four main food groups
Candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
So, will you be staying with us? Then?
You mean I can stay?
Of course you can. Emily.
How.. how long do you think you'll be with us?
I.. I hadn't really planned it out,
But I was thinking, like.. forever.
Emily? Can I just speak to you for a minute
in the, uh, kitchen, please?
Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.
Clearly he has some serious issues.
We can't just throw him out in the snow.
Why not? He loves the snow.
He's told me 15 times.
Walter, he's your son.
[Belching]
Did you hear that?
You are so weird.
Dad?
Dad?
Dad! [Door opens]
What?
[Whispering I can't go to sleep]
[Unless I get tucked in.]
What?
[I can't go to sleep unless I get tucked in.]
I am not gonna tuck you in.
I.. I promise I'll go right to sleep.
Fine.
Tickle fight, tickle fight! buddy, stop.
Tickle fight. Tickle.. stop stop, stop.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Hey, uh..
[Clears throat]
You just lay there and go to sleep.
Okay.
Okay.
Dad? Hmm?
I love you.
Okay. Go to sleep now.
Well, this is really something.
I'm usually the one making breakfast.
That's good, that's good.
Okay.
Oh, that's good.
Good? Good.
Good.
So, did you, um..
Did you sleep okay last night?
Great. I got a full 40 minutes.
And I had time to build that rocking horse.
Uh, oh, my gosh. You actually made that?
Where did you get all the wood?
Good morning, honey. Good morning, dad.
Walter, buddy has made us breakfast.
Isn't that nice? [Grunts]
And lunch.
And lunch.
[Emily:] Bye.
So, dad, how many scoops?
I'll stick with the coffee now, thanks.
So, dad..
I planned out our whole day.
First, we'll make snow angels for two hours,
And then we'll go ice skating and then we'll eat a whole roll
Of tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can,
And then, to finish, we'll snuggle.
I've got to go to work, buddy.
Oh, and another thing..
If you're going to be staying here,
You should think about, you know,
Getting rid of the costume.
But I've worn this my whole life.
You're not in the North Pole any longer.
You wanna make me happy, don't you?
More than anything.
Then, lose the tights. I mean, as soon as possible.
As soon as possible?
As soon as possible.
Okay.
[Emily:] I almost forgot..
Aah! Aah!
Good morning.
[Cell phone rings]
[Ring]
Walter here.
[Gasps] It worked, it's you.
How'd you get this number?
Emily left an emergency list.
I see.
And, uh, is this an emergency?
There's a horrible noise
Coming from the evil box underneath the window.
It sounds like this..
[Screeches and wails]
It's, uh, it's.. it's not evil, buddy,
It's, uh, it's a radiator,
And the heat makes noise when it comes on.
No, it doesn't. It.. It's very evil.
It's scary to look at. It's.. okay..
I'm going toward.. oh, wait. Yes, it is.
Okay, it's okay. It's okay.
Everything's fine.
You were right.
Okay, good, uh, I'm gonna hang up now.
I love you.
I'll call you in five minutes.
No, no, buddy, don't, uh..
You.. you don't have to call me, okay?
Good idea, you call me.
Okay. I'm gonna hang up now.
I painted a picture of a butterfly.
Good. I'm gonna hang up now.
I tuned the piano.
Okay, I love you. Bye.
Mmm..
Mmm.. Mmm.
Mmm.
[Sighs]
Hobbs. Hey!
How you doing? Please, sit down.
I haven't seen you since the retreat.
You're looking good.
Oh, thank you very much. You as well.
To what do I owe the, uh, pleasure?
Well, to be honest, I got a call from my niece.
She wants to know
How a certain puppy and a certain pigeon
Escape the clutches of a certain evil witch.
Believe me, uh,
We're already looking for new printers.
This one has obviously gotten a little sloppy.
Maybe it isn't the printer who's gotten sloppy.
That's your signature, right?
You know, we could sit here and point fingers all day.
I've got news for you..
Even if those two pages were in there,
The book still would have sucked.
Have you seen the numbers for this quarter?
Uh, they'll be here today. Oh, they're in.
That frigging puppy and pigeon
Are tanking hard, Hobbs.
My people estimate we're gonna post
A minus eight for this quarter.
A minus eight! That does not happen!
You know, we'll.. we'll bounce back, we..
No, no, no. No? Well..
We're gonna ship a new book
The first quarter.
First quarter?
I'm gonna be back in town on the 24th.
At that time, I would love to hear
In exact detail
What your plans are for this new book.
Uh, wait a minute, the, uh the 24th, that's Christmas eve.
And?
And, uh..
No problem. Be great to have you in the loop.
[School bell rings]
[Michael:] All right, I got every weapon in the game.
I got full health, I got full armor.
Michael!
I got full..
Michael!
It's me buddy!
You know that guy?
No, I've never seen him before.
It's me buddy! Your brother!
Oh, man.
No, Michael! Wait! It's your brother bud..
[Tires screech]
Sorry. Sorry! Horn honks
Michael! Michael!
Michael!
Michael, wait up!
Michael! Michael!
Wow, you're fast.
I'm gladi caught up with you.
I waited five hours for you.
Why is your coat so big?
So, good news.. I saw a dog today.
Have you seen a dog? You probably have.
How was school? Was it fun?
Did you get a lot of homework, huh?
Do you have any friends?
Do you have a best friend?
Does he have a big coat, too?
Go away!
Ow! Son of a nutcracker!
Run!
[Boy:] Get him! Get the green guy!
[Boys cheering]
Oh, no. These guys are bad news.
We better get outta here.
You know what? We can take 'em.
Okay, just start making as many snowballs as you can.
[Grunts] You ready?
Let's go. Aah! Ow.
Ow!
[Boy:] Run!
[Crying]
[Michael:] Oh, man. One got away.
Snowball.
[Kid:] Unh!
Wow.
Where did you say you were from?
Oh, yeah
Candles burning low
Lots of mistletoe
Lots of snow and ice everywhere we go
Choirs singing carols right outside my door
All these things and more
I wish dad were here.
Why?
'Cause he's the greatest dad in the whole wide world.
Are you kidding?
He's the worst dad in the world.
What do you mean?
All he does is work.
Working's fun.
Not the way he does it.
All he cares about is money.
He doesn't care about you, or me, or anybody.
Well, he is on the naughty list.
You like her?
Like who?
The girl you're staring at.
Oh, uh..
Yeah.
Why don't you ask her out?
Out?
You know, on a date.. to eat food.
Food?
Yes, real food, not candy.
And if she says yes, you're in.
It's like a secret code girls have.
Well, look who it is.
Hi, Jovie. Hi.
Oh, uh, this is Michael.
I'm his brother.
Hi.
So, what are you doing here?
Did gimbel's give you your job back?
No. But things worked out pretty good.
They gave mea restraining order.
Well, um, you should probably get outta here.
Ho ho ho!
But.. I really wanted to see you,
And.. and I think you're beautiful, and I, um..
I feel really warm when I am around you,
And, um, my tongue swells up.
So..
Do you wanna go eat food?
Do I.. do I wanna eat food?
Mm-hmm.
You know, uh, the code.. food.
Well, I just had my lunch break.
Oh, okay. I understand.
But I'm free on Thursday.
Thursday! Thursday!
Come on. That'd be great.
All right.
[Buddy:] Was that okay?
You did great, man.
What should we put on it first?
Lights! Oh, good.
And then, after that?
Ornaments! Ornaments, okay.
What the hell's that?
[Michael:] A Christmas tree.
A Christmas tree?
Buddy chopped it down in the park.
Emily.
I don't know what you're making such a big deal about.
They were just having a little fun.
Oh, fun? So felonies are fun now?
I thought, see, felonies were felonies.
Okay, the tree thing was bad.
I'll get him to plant another one.
But at least Michael is happy for once.
What, uh, what's that supposed to mean?
Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter,
That you haven't exactly been there for him.
I'll tell you what, why don't we just
Pull him outta school and let the, uh,
Deranged elf man raise him?
Then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.
How are we gonna get the star on top?
I got it.
I mean, what are we gonna do?
We can't.. we can't leave him alone here.
He's gonna destroy the place.
Why don't you, um..
Why don't you take off tomorrow?
You know, and you could stay home and watch him?
Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow,
I have a budget meeting tomorrow.
Well, honey, I can't take off,
I'm one.. one bad pitch away
From getting fired.. one.
Well, I tell you what, I have an idea then.
Why don't you take buddy to work with you?
[Elevator chimes]
Getting Out Play Script Pdf
Hey, Walter. Morning, jack.
Morning, jack.
Oh, good morning, Mr. Hobbs.
Good morning, Sarah. Good morning, Sarah.
That's a nice purple dress. It's very purple-y
Francisco. How's it going, Mr. Hobbs?
Francisco, that's fun to say..' Francisco.'
[Gasps]
Hi! Hi.
Do you remember me?
I do. I didn't recognize you.
I know, I'm in work clothes.
Thank you, Deborah.
Thanks, deb.
Deb, you have such a pretty face.
You should be on a Christmas card.
You just made my day.
Eww.
Buddy. Hmm?
You don't have to drink that.
Thank you.
Francisco.
Francisco.
Francisco.
Francisco.
Buddy?
[Whispers am I too loud?]
Just.. just a little.
[Sorry.]
Yes, bud?
Why is your name on the desk?
I bought the desk.
My name's there so no one steals it.
That's a joke, isn't it, dad?
Yeah, buddy, that's a joke.
So, what are we gonna build?
No, uh, we don't do
That kind of work here, pal.
[Phone rings]
Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?
Put that down. Hello?
Hello? Dial tone
Please, don't touch anything.
Sorry.
Hey..
Bud, have you.. have you..
Have you ever seen a mailroom?
A mailroom? No.
No? No.
Oh, I mean, wow.
Wow.. listen, it's a place where mail
From all over the world comes,
Uh-huh. And they sort it out there, see?
And you can touch it all,
And they put it in these shiny bins.
Shiny bins? Right.
What do ya think? It sounds great.
Good.
Can we go there?
Well, um..
I gotta work here, maybe.. maybe you can work there.
Okay, I'll work there.
[Rap music playing]
Oh, I don't think this is the place
My dad was talking about.
Is there a different mailroom?
No. This is the only one.
It's not very shiny.
Now.. over here's the trench.
All the mail comes out that shooter.
Scan and find the floor each piece is moving to.
Put it in a canister
And shove it up the tube with the same number.
You got that?
I think so.
This place reminds me of Santa's workshop.
Except it smells like mushrooms,
And everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.
Uh, greenway's coming in tomorrow,
So, what.. what do we got?
Well, Morris and I have been brainstorming,
And we've come up with what I think
Is a pretty big idea.
Great, what?
You're gonna love it, it's fantastic.
What?
Okay, picture this..
We bring in miles finch.
The miles finch?
The golden ghost.
We bring him in!
He's written more classics than dr. Seuss.
I tain't gonna be easy,
But I think it's worth a shot.
My two top writers, my crack team, my fun squad..
You came in here pitching me
The idea of hiring another writer?
Yeah.
Miles finch.
I like it. Chuckles
I like it.
Then I traveled through the seven levels
Of the candy cane forest
And past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops.
[Gasps] Ooh!
Wow.. it's sucky.
Ohh, it's wonderful. Yes!
That is marvelous how that..
Oh! [Laughs]
Oh, it's very sucky.
It's very.. sucky.
Whoo.
So, how'd you get here?
Work release.
Mm.
Oh, syrup and coffee?
Why didn't I think of that? Can I try some?
Be my guest.
Very generous of you.
Mmm. [Gasps] I love syrup.
Ohh, I love it.
Mmm..
You know, I know I sound like a broken record,
But we are buddies.
You're my best friend, that's it.
You're my best friend.
You know, buddy, nobody around here listens to me.
I got really good ideas. Yeah? I believe it.
I know, I'm right, I listen to you.
You have great ideas.
I just try to go with the flow, you know?
Good, you go with the flow.
Yeah. Go with the flow.
No, I gotta get out of the flow.
Well, then get out of the flow.
I'm in the flow, that's what got me here.
I gotta.. I'm 26 years old, I got nothing to show for it.
You're young. You're so young.
[Sighs]
My papa.. yeah?
He didn't make master tinker till he was 490,so..
[Laughing]
Four-hundred and ninety? Yeah.
[Laughing]
Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
My favorite book of yours has gotta be Gus' pickles.
It's existential, yet it's so accessible.
Uh, Mr. Finch, uh, Eugene Dupris here.
It's a thrill just to be talking to you
On our speakerphone.
Miles, um, so, what do you think?
Can you fly in tomorrow?
I'll give you five hours tomorrow,
Not a minute more.
Oh, that's.. that's great.
I'd like a black s500to receive me at the airport.
I need the interior of that car
To be 71 degrees exactly.
We can do that. Deborah: Mr. Hobbs?
There's a situation downstairs.
[Finch:] I'm sorry, what?
No, hold on, miles. Deb, hang up.
[Finch:] I do not hold. Do not put me on hold.
[Deborah:] We have a problem in the mailroom.
What's going on?
Don't speak.. Deborah, hang up!
[Finch:] That's it, I'm gone. Miles!
[Finch:] I'll be there tomorrow.. 71 degrees.
[Deborah:] Sir, chuck in the mailroom
Needs to talk to you.
Chuck.. what, chuck?
I mean, what could be going on down there
That's so important you had to interrupt me, what?